Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wifey Wednesday....What Lens Do You See Your Husband Through?

Shiela from came up with an amazing Wifey Wednesday for today. She summed up the challenge by saying, "Quite often we don't see people how they really are. We look at them with our own biases.For instance, before we get married we tend to see our husbands (then our fiances) through rose-coloured glasses. We may notice that they do annoying things, but we think of these as "cute quirks" that they will likely grow out of.Then, once we're married, those glasses often fall off and we start noticing all the things that are wrong with our husbands.But we have other lenses, too, and we need to be aware of them so that we can make sure we're not being unfair to our husband"

What an interesting topic for me today!! Monday was Geran and I's anniversary. We have been married 7 years. It's amazing to realize it has really been that long. I would have to agree with Shiela though in that when you first get married there definatly is a reality check. I can remember about six months into my marriage, I woke up one morning and remember asking myself "who is this person I married". Not that I didn't love him, but it's like all the things I loved about him seemed to masked by all the things that got on my nerves. I went to work that day, and spent the whole day making a list of pros and cons, trying to prove to myself that there were more the end of the day when I looked at my list I realized that there only 6 things on the con list. Six petty things had been making me miserable. I was allowing those 6 things to define my relationship. Allowing those 6 things to make me think my marriage wasn't worth it.

I sit here 7 years later thinking about the day I wrote the list. The list that I now know could have easily been the end of my marriage. The list that I was trying to use to justify not being happy and giving up. What would I have done had there been more cons than pros? Would I have really walked away from a perfectly good marriage? I don't know, but I'm so thankful that I didn't put myself in that situation. For whatever reason when I started writting that list all the cons I thought were there all stems from the 6 petty things. Six things that I knew where there from the start, and honestly the six things that I thought were cute when we were just dating:)

Seven years later, we are still here. My marriage is better now than it has ever been, and I deeply expect it to continue to get better. It was shortly after I made that list that I realized that loving someone isn't always about the sappy feeling in the pit of stomach. There are days and situations that mask that feeling, but love isn't always that feeling. Sometimes love isn't the passionate kiss or a touch that takes your breath away; sometimes it's sitting patiently and listening, or doing something that normally isn't your responsibility just because you know your spouse is stressed or tired. Even more than that sometimes love is walking away when you're angry even though you think you're right. You have to make a choice everyday to love. So from that day on, I have spent my days choosing to love.

I have an amazing husband. He isn't only my husband he is my best friend. I love him dearly and can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone other than him:) It hasn't always been an easy ride, but it has been a great ride.



Penelope said...

This is a *great* post...and the part about how we see our men before we marry them, and then after, rings very true.

Melinda said...

Well said! Thank you for sharing your sentiments! I think we all need to remember to make those lists of what we love in our spouses much more often than those quirks we get frustrated by. Loved the reminder!

Cindy said...

Loved reading this. After 17 yrs we too have been through some interesting times. Getting married at 18 with a baby was, to say the least, a challenge. But at the end of the day we also chose love.

Anglia said...

I love this post! I'm not married yet but I've been with my fiance for 15 years. It's been a long hard road and many times I wondered who he was b/c he certainly wasn't who I fell in love with and there were so many little things that I allowed to make me angry. It took me a long while to realize that I'd rather deal with those few little things then to live without him. I love him for all the good and bad he has.